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Friday, October 31, 2014

The Spookiest Haunted House.....Ever!

Very, very Frightening!

Want to see a haunted house? Like to be afraid? Looking for a place to take your children for Halloween and give them a good spook? Well, look no further than a church nearest you. That's right. Enter a church and you too can experience a frightening, bone chilling, nail biting experience. What do they have to offer? 

1. The partaking in drinking the blood and eating the flesh of a man.
2. The presence of a ghost or spirit.
3. The continual torment of a man being crucified on a wooden cross. 
4. The decoration of tombs and torturous instruments i.e. nails, crosses, whips and spears.
5. The practice of the art of back stabbing your fellow attendees. 
6. The repeating chants of the same message over and over again.
7. The practice of cursing others to eternal torment. Fire, Fire and more Fire.
8. The promise of being raised from the grave. ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
9. The promise of demons.
10. The continual pressure for you to die. 
11. The promise of being possessed by a spirit. 
12. The need to wear a mask. 
13. The fear of light(i.e. reason.)
14.  The reciting of incantations. 
15. Tales of sacrificing children.
16. Punishments the doubters.
17. Communicating with the dead.
18. Self mutilation

The haunted Church guarantees, "One HELL of a time!" 

Can you think of more? 

*Please note that this post is all done in good spooky fun. While you may not agree that what I have written is fun and/or good, one has to admit that some of the practices within the Christian church, especially from an outsiders perspective, do seem to be rather odd and perhaps even grotesque. 

Happy Halloween Everyone
And Beware those Churches! ;)


Anonymous said...

I didn't want you to post this, even though I can see its using ironic humour, but as I look through the has zings of truth. I never saw it while I was involved with the church because I was surrounded by like minded individuals who thought it was all holy and pure. When I started meeting people who never had any experience in the church twenty three years later...and explained some practices - I saw their horrified expressions...I started paying attention to the words of songs and realized what it would look like if an outsider came in to "nothing but the blood of jesus" or other worse songs about taking whats yours, marching to war with the cross of Jesus going before ( begets awful crusaders images) and other songs that before seemed fun and harmless but stepping outside to take a new perspective, they seemed at best, insulting and rude, at worst- cultish. And christians are scared of Halloween?!? It was a wake up call for sure. Stepping outside a 22 year perspective was hard and scary and not many christians attempt to do it. They think they are the martyrs if the world sees them in any dark light, yet they do not look at their lyrics, the stories taken literally that celebrate and call for children sacrifices in the name of God that they think of as holy obedience and twist to become that yet in stark reality some of these things...SHOULD be questioned. Some lyrics of songs SHOULD be looked at. And the last time I took communion ( it never sat well with me even when I was a stout believer) I realized the irony...of how christians are so paranoid of witchcraft and wiccan ways yet here is a full church, pretending to drink blood and seeing it as holy and pure...I get it, I grew up with all the reasons why its done, I was indoctrinated and I can run circles around the reasons why it is good ( so anyone reading this comment - refrain from trying to convince me otherwise. I grew up memorizing the whole bible. I can pull out any verse if I want, and frankly I enjoyed most of my upbringing. I had church every day except saturday...chapels and bible groups ect...but when I stepped outside of it, the hardest few years of my life, I now live in immense freedom and love...and no more fear. I lived in fear every day of death and guilt that I did not want to die when we were supposed to want to die...More so, I KNOW why they do these things...and most of it is done in innocence or ignorance...niavete or a refusal to be "of the world" to see it from another perspective...and I feel grief for the children who have no other perspectives allowed or given.

I remember when you made me watch some of Jesus Camp and I almost threw up - i could not get through ten minutes...why? Because it was my childhood. It was all done in innocence mostly and some of it was fun, but the scars run deep. They have no idea, what some of that does to children's psyches...and children do not speak up because they are manipulated and scared by all the scripture verses that promise eternal damnation. It was frightening. I have too much PTSD from all of it. Its probably why Halloween does not scare me as much as it used to either. Its not my favourite, but being that involved in a religious "right" was scarier. It did feel like a cult.
Now that I am out, I thank God ( a Being I still believe in - in some form) I would NEVER go back to all of that restriction, fear and manipulation all in the name of God and purity. It was mostly pure control and there is a reason it works...However, there was beauty in it too...and good intentions...and joy...I had some of that too and I would be a fool if I did not acknowledged that there was some safety in it, some conformity brings safety in a different way. I always felt protected in the sense that everyone else was also like me, the bullying only happened to those who were deemed worldy. I did not experience spiritual meanness and bullying till I stepped out of the church and even then its sneaky and underhanded...but cruel. Yet, growing up- it wasn't too bad.