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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Dreamer

In struggling with a desire to write and a lack of insight upon what to write on, I have decided to listen and be moved by the holy spirit of internet, Google. What would the almighty Google have to say today? So, I asked it and it answered back with a quote of the day, and this is what it said:


Keep true to the dreams of your youth. 
- Friedrich Schiller 
The dreams of my youth...? I don't really know if I can think back and recall, exactly, what those dreams may have been. You see, I have an extremely difficult time with past memory. I don't necessarily know why this is, but my past seems but a morning mist settling in on the prairies for a brief rest prior to departing before the Sun's midday embrace.

If I really try, I can come up with a few dreams that I may have had when I was young.

In my early youth my dream was to be a professional hockey player. I would play in the NHL and be one of the greats: Wayne Gretzky,  Lanny McDonald, and Mario Lemieux. My brother and I would play street hockey day in and day out, night and day. We even paid honour to our country by singing it's national anthem prior to our game(I was the Calgary Flames, my brother, the Edmonton Oilers). I watched hockey religiously, weeping when my team was eliminated out of the playoffs. I would be one of them some day. However, time and finances of my family, were an unremovable obstacle on the path to this dream. This was not to be.

Even in my youth I had a deep and strong desire for the divine, for the mysterious other. My parents helped to instill some of this within me and guided me while I grew. There came a time when I sought from the divine whether I should become a hockey player or a missionary. I felt a strongly at that moment to seek the latter rather then the former. My parents were well pleased with their young one's decision. From this point on I began a journey toward work within the ministry, whether it be a missionary, pastor or an evangelist. I recall my father reading to the family, when I was 14 or 15 years of age, at devotional time the biography of Billy Graham. I would be the next Billy Graham I declared. I desired to lead as many people to God as Billy Graham did.

As I grew I became more and more involved in the church and youth programs. I became a youth leader very young. Adult leaders admired my maturity and passion for God. I was often given words of affirmation from these leaders, pastors, my parents and the parents of my peers. These words gave me great comfort and fuelled within me a desire to do more and, sub-consciously, to hear more. I would become a pastor, a leader of the flock. When I graduated from high school I entered into my first year  of bible college in a Bachelor of Pastoral Ministry program. However, as time progressed and big life changes occurred I withdrew from the program in order to make a living.

Through these experiences I have learned many things, but one lesson, the deepest underlying current, of all that I dreamt was this: In all that I have dreamt and pursued to become, all have one thing in common, each one provides a great amount of attention, popularity, and affirmation. All things of which I most greatly desired and still often do.

I guess, if I am honest with myself, the dreams of my youth were to always be: admired, well known, loved and given words of affirmation. I am better discovering this as I grow and seek to understand myself.

But, what does one do with these dreams? Dreams that are not so easily narrowed down to one career,  hobby or belief. Are they wrong or perhaps misguided dreams? I'm I just a dreamer of dreams?

One thing is for certain, these dreams, the dreams of our youth and present, hold a great influence, for good or for bad, but they remain vital to our existence.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” 
- Proverbs 29:18 

Thanks Google, for the inspiration!


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Thanksgiving!


Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grows.  
 Henry Ward Beecher

Thank you for everything that comes my way and for the things that do not. Thank you for the hardships and the joys of life. Though, while I struggle through the hardships, I am much better off for them. For the joys, well, they are the icing on the cake. 

Thank you for the gift of relationships and all that comes with them. Thanks for the arrival of great and long-time friends of whom I have just met face to face. Thanks to a friend who's dedication is unsurpassable, a friend, though far away, resides still close within my heart, mind and soul. 

Thank you for a wonderful and inspiring wife who takes me for all my flaws and strengths. A wife who daily inspires me to be more that what I am, all the while, embracing that of which I am. A woman   with whom my dreams know no boundaries. She guides, encourages and bestows wisdom on my walk of life, illuminating a path before my feet. 

Thank you for my children, whom bring such joy and strife. For their ability to metaphorically and  literally keep me alive without even knowing it, I give them thanks. For wrestles and tickles, laughter and sobs, love and hate, patience and humility, I give them thanks. The abilities they have to mould in me a desire to become better. Like little mirrors they reflect, into my very being, the child within, the hurts, the joys, the longings and more. I want so bad to be a child alongside them. I want so bad to play with the lost child within. 

Thank for who I am, though I know not entirely who that may be. Though, I feel that who I am, is my worst enemy. Give me strength, in order that I may make peace with me in grace, love and honesty.

Thank you for all that I have. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!


Be thankful for the bad things that happen in life. For they open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before. 
author unknown