I once heard a story of a rabbi who claimed that he learned the meaning of love from a drunken peasant. One morning he went to visit a friend of his who owned a local tavern. When the rabbi arrived at the tavern he saw two men sitting at a table together, both drunk out of their minds and reassuring each other of their love for one another. He heard one of the drunkards, Ivan, say to the other, "Peter, do you know what hurts me?". Rosy cheeks and bleared eyes Peter responded, "How do I know what hurts ya?" With quick retort Ivan answered, "If you don't know what hurts me how can you say you love me?"
If you don't know what hurts me how can you say you love me?
It is a difficult thing to do, journeying through life, when no one understands your hurts. What then, when not even you yourself understands? The last five-six years had been a time of many trials, sorrows and darkness for myself. Depression, the dark and menacing depths of my soul, is what has hurt me. When one is really depressed (not merely sad) please! please! do not tell them to "just snap out of it" or "suck it up". These words do nothing, they only contribute. No, the truly depressed are not sad, they just are and that is what depresses the depressed. To know all blessings, riches and present joy, but not be able to embrace it, is what draws one deep into Hell. (I have been there and if you ask me, I will tell you what wins.)
If you don't know what hurts me how can you say you love me?Life is no easy journey. We will fail, we will fall, and we will be losers. Never! Never! think that God can not handle anything that we throw at the great Splagchnizomai. I have been in raged filled moments of doubt, fear and loneliness and have wailed,
"Christ I hate you! Damn you God! Get out of my life! Enough of this Christian bullshit! It's over!".It was within one of these moments of honesty, that I have discovered words that have never been so life impacting as these,
"It's ok, Philip. I understand. I am here. I am with you and I am for you."and along with it the sound of weeping, not for me, but with me. A deep gut wrenching cry from deep within the bowels.
"I understand. I am here. I am with you and I am for you."This is the transforming compassion and life renewing words,
"My little Children I will not leave you orphans. I know what hurts you. Here I am. I will not leave you."The Great Splagchnizomai loves us and knows what hurts us more then we ourselves can ever comprehend.