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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Which Way Am I Going?

I had plans, I had hopes and I had dreams. It wasn't long ago that I realized that all of it was grounded on a foundation that was doomed to fail from the beginning. My longing for these stemmed from a deeper, more powerful and evil desire, one for Power and Fame. All my life this has been something that I not only struggle with, however, from it...I feel I am inseparable. It dawned on me and the desires for all my plans, hopes and dreams seemed to disappear. I was left with nothing except for that of which I had searched for for so long...contentedness. Finally, for the first time in six years, I felt content as well as loved for who and what I am. It was a divine unveiling of grace and love. As a result of this transfiguration, I reflected and emerged upon this one thought in particular... 'The one thing I did not have in all my plans, hopes and dreams, was LOVE!'  It is was never that these were bad things but rather that my heart was not quite cultivated to engage in such noble pursuits. 

I wonder now... I am I ready? I am I prepared? Have I retained what has needed to be learned? To be honest... I don't quite know yet. 

It is this song that encourages me to plan for the now, aspire to the hopes not yet passed and to pursue the dreams of the future. As Coldplay so brilliantly puts it, "I don't know which way I am going?", but I do know this...that if I go anywhere, anywhere at all, it must, absolutely, be in LOVE that I proceed.


Lord I don't know which way I am going
Which way the river gonna flow
It just seems that upstream, I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go

Still got such a long way to go
Still got such a long way to go

In that light, it's your eyes
I know, I swear, we'll find somewhere the streets are made of gold

Bullet's fly, split the sky,
But that's all right sometimes sunlight comes streaming through the holes

song by Coldplay - U.F.O. from their most recent album, "Mylo Xyloto"



Anonymous said...

Beautiful song - reminds me of U2 "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and "Where the Streets Have No Name".
Keep looking for that often-elusive way to learn to love. The learning is the key, I think. The minute we think we've achieved it, it's not happening at all. For sure, the path of knowledge/power/fame is easier, less elusive, more concrete, and FUTILE...
Happy New Year!

Krista said...

Contentedness. Something we all long for but few achieve. Blessings Phil. May 2012 be filled with peace, hope, joy and love.

Kmarie said...

Is anyone really ready? The second we ask that question is the moment of truth.
You are however ready to get on with that ONE SACRED life of love. You are loving it well. Loving the people God asks you to well. You are loving.
I am so proud that you know yourself. That you know that you struggle with the desire for fame or power. That is the key to beginning.
I am excited for the next step in this journey with you.

CalledtoQuestion said...

Kmarie: You are quite right, I don't think that anyone is really ready and perhaps that is what is so amazing about the grace of the divine. It is in our failures, weaknesses, and sins that the divine adjoins us. Always before we are ready. Thanks, Babe.

You're Brill!! :P

CalledtoQuestion said...

Krista: Thanks Krista, I appreciate your words. Blessings on you all as well. Hopefully those Mayan Indians weren't right about 2012!

Miriam: Futile, futile... those words sound familiar...hmmm.

I have heard it being said... that 'it is the in the learning that the key is found', however, it has also been said that 'it is in the answer that the key resides, for what other reason would one do the learning if there is no answer'. If there is no answer, "truth", then would that not denote the needlessness for learning? There may be no exact place where one needs to be but... we continue on in hopes of acquiring balance.

This reminds me of when a local pastor once wrote an article, in our community newspaper, on how absolute truth can easily be attained. I responded with a brief letter to the editor. Within that response I wrote, "Perhaps, it is in our unknowing that we are best suited to know.".

I continue to feel the same.